17-year-old girl named Sawyer begs family to use her name, paternal side refuse because they don't find it sufficiently feminine: 'They hate that I'm a girl with a boys name'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 1, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

There's a phenomenon where once masculine names become feminine in only a generation or so. There was a time when there were oodles of men named Kelly, Ashley, Leslie, or Carol walking around, only for them to disappear nearly entirely in 2024. However, some gender-neutral names have fought a good fight to stay gender-neutral. To maintain that level of ambiguity, they need to lean more masculine because, as anyone who's looked at "gender neutral clothing" lines knows, gender neutral often means masculinity that society feels comfortable with women embracing. 

One of those names that leans masculine is Sawyer. Sure, some girls have that name, but it's almost three times more common for a baby boy to be named Sawyer than a baby girl. Nevertheless, some girls named Sawyer embrace their unique names, like the central figure in this story. This 17-year-old has been begging the paternal side of her family to call her by her first name, but they won't stop differing to her more feminine middle name. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10368750336
    via Joshua Rawson-Harris

    Photo does not feature the real subject in the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling family members I won't respond if they use just my middle name anymore?
    via u/Prestigious-Bar7924
  • 03
    My parents named me (17f) Sawyer. My middle name is more obviously a girls name BUT I love my first name and I don't love my middle name. Most of my paternal family hate my first name though. They hate that I'm a girl with a boys name. Some family members have tried to convince me I should use my middle name instead. I always told them I love being Sawyer though.
    via u/Prestigious-Bar7924
  • 04
    I'm willing to compromise and have people call me by both first and middle name. But that's about it. Only this isn't good enough and of late more family have been calling me just my middle name. I told them I didn't like it and they said my first name doesn't fit me at all, that I'm so girly and sweet that I should have a name that screams girl. I told them Sawyer fit me perfectly and I always loved having my name be a little unexpected. That it bothers me when people call me by my middle name
    via u/Prestigious-Bar7924
  • 05
    This did not make them stop. So I told them last Saturday that I won't respond anymore if they just use my middle name. I was told I was behaving childishly and my middle name is still a part of my name and they should be allowed to call me that. I told them if they don't respect my wishes, then why should I respect theirs, when this is my name. AITA?
    via u/Prestigious-Bar7924
  • 06
    Nester1953 3 days ago Excuse me, your family wants to call you by your middle name instead of your first name, you object, and they think you're the one who's being childish? Hmmm. Nope, they got it backwards. Feel free to respond only to your first name. But my suggestion would be that you have your father lay down the law with his family on your behalf. You get to have a voice and speak for yourself, but the issue will probably be resolved to your satisfaction more efficiently if he intervenes
    via u/Nester1953
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    steve_ow - 3 days ago My advice is give them ugly nicknames. Then again i am petty as
    via u/steve_ow
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    Unfair_Finger5531 3 days ago NTA. My sister will not respond when people use her first name ever. Ever. Even when she was a toddler, she simply wouldn't. So guess what? We use her middle name as she requests. It's not hard. Your family has a lot of collective nerve. Stand your ground. Only you get to decide what you out of them until they get are called. Ignore the the message.
    via u/Unfair_Finger5531
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    Afraid-Combination15. 3 days ago This reminds me of my daughter when she was little(er...she's only 7 now)...her name is Madelyn, middle name Josephine...we call her Maddy Jo...until she was about 4, she would get mad if we called her Madelyn and say "I'm not a Madelyn, I'm JUST A MADDY JO!!!".
    via u/Afraid-Combination15
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    Mogura-De-Gifdu - 3 days ago My son gets mad (he's 5) when I call him Leo. "Leo is not my name, call me Leopold!". But he's fine with his friends calling him "Lele". I gave up on understanding and just try to remember not to use his nickname.
    via u/Mogura-De-Gifdu
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    Lunanina 3 days ago The people at the daycare use a nickname for the 5yo. One time last year, I asked her if she wanted me to use the nickname. She gave me a very confident no in response. Why not, I asked. That's not my name, she said. But the teachers use the nickname. Is that okay? She shrugged and that was that. It doesn't have to make sense to me. Only needs to make sense to her.
    via u/Lunanina
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    mycrowsoffed. 3 days ago One way to look at it is the 5yo is holding the teachers at an emotional distance so cares less about them using a nickname with her. Emotionally, she holds you a world of a lot closer, trusts you and feels safe to be herself with you so happily asserts herself on that boundary with you. The respect you show her by using her given name means so much more to her than both some teachers and the nickname they use.
    via u/mycrowsoffed
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    IAndaraB 3 days ago ΝΤΑ Also, since when is Sawyer not a girl's name? it's been a girls name, too, for at least the last 40 years, and as of this year, it's about evenly split between boys and girls.
    via u/IAndaraB
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    Perfect_Calendar9847 3 days ago That threw me because I know a few women named Sawyer but I've never met a boy/man with that name. It never occurred to me that Sawyer wasn't a feminine name
    via u/Perfect_Calendar9847
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    Iron_Nightingale - 3 days ago Moreover: even if she were the only one! She's a girl, her name is Sawyer, therefore Sawyer is a girl's name. I'm reminded of a popular quote by comedian Suzy Izzard: "They're not 'women's clothes'. They're my clothes. I bought them." I mean, in retrospect they were women's clothes, but the point still stands.
    via u/Iron_Nightingale
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    cranberry94. 3 days ago In 2023, 2833 boys and 1120 girls were named Sawyer in the US. It's a perfectly fine name for a girl, but it's definitely not an even split.
    via u/cranberry94
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    BeckyDaTechie - 3 days ago NTA. Your parents gave you that name and you've answered to it all this time; it's no one else's decision but yours once you're old enough to express a preference. I remember asking my kindergarten teacher to please let me use my preferred short-form of my name in class because I had a preschool teacher who both insisted on my given name AND said it with the worst nasal, drawn out drone I'd ever heard. She made me hate my given name more than the rough home life alread
    via u/BeckyDaTechie
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    diminishingpatience 3 days ago NTA. I was told I was behaving childishly Say the people who go against your wishes and refuse to use your name.
    via u/diminishingpatience
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    Temporary-Earth9110 3 days ago NTA, I have the opposite problem of you. I share my father's first name but not middle name so my entire life I've been called by my middle name and I prefer it. Recently I started a new job and my supervisor called me by my first name and I said I actually prefer my middle name please. He said no I like your first name and I said ok but I won't respond to it. He looked a little shocked but calls me by my middle name now. My youngest son who is 21 years old is name
    via u/Temporary-Earth9110

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